Does your child have great self-esteem one day and very poor self- esteem the next day?
Does his self-esteem alter depending on who played with him at school or if he made a mistake or if he did not do well in a test?
If so then you child has self-esteem that rises and falls with the ups and downs of life.
How children feel about themselves often depends on what is going on in their life – what is going on outside of them.
However, positive self-esteem isn’t based on what is going on outside of you (what is happening in your life). Powerful self-esteem is based on what is going on inside of you – who you are and how you think about yourself.
When children base their self-esteem on ‘who they are’ then their self-esteem can remain intact no matter what is going on in their lives.
Here are the first 3 of 6 tips for helping your kids build a positive, powerful self-esteem that does not rise and fall with the ups and downs of life.
- First talk with them about what self–esteem is. Teach them that self-esteem is based on who they are, not what they do.
- Teach them how to separate the results of an event from who they are. For example, if they don’t do well on a test in school, doesn’t mean they are a failure. It just means they didn’t learn the material well enough to get the right answers on all of the questions. Let your children know that it’s OK to feel down; however, there is a difference between feeling down about a bad test result and feeling down on yourself because of the bad test result. Help you children understand the difference and their self-esteem will stay in tact. Teach them that they can only do their best and their best is good enough.
- Teach them (and yourself) the dangers of comparison. When children compare themselves to others – seeing themselves as ‘better than’ or ‘less than’ another, they are looking externally to determine how to feel about themselves. This sets them up for self-esteem issues because they will feel good about themselves whenever they see themselves as ‘better than’ another and they will feel bad about themselves every time the see themselves as ‘less than’ another. This not only devastates self-esteem, but also creates jealousy, resentment, and a belief system of ‘not good enough’. As their parents we have to learn how damaging this is – try not to compare your children to their siblings, cousins, friends, it really is one of the most damaging things we can do.
Unfortunately self-esteem isn’t something you can give your children; however, it is something you can teach them to develop in themselves. Start today by sharing these first three tips with them. In the next article we will cover the last 3 tips.
Please feel free to share your comments on this article. Self-esteem is the basis of our children’s future. Everything balances on their self-esteem. The good news is that we can always help our children build a strong self-esteem; the earlier we start this process the better.
I have been working with adolescents and teenagers for the past 10 years and I know this to be true.
This is part of the Wisdom Coaching Programme I have studied for coaching children aged 7-11yrs (approx.) It is a taster of many thought provoking lessons for teaching children life skills that will guide them for the rest of their lives. It is a very positive way for children to learn about themselves. Now more than ever our children need a strong self-esteem as they are open to so many more outside pressures from technology, social media etc. Help your child to ‘be the best he can be’, by teaching him how to believe in himself, how to make his own choices, how to navigate his way through life in a more positive and confident way.
Hope you find this helpful